tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51528352011-12-13T22:56:08.035-05:00This isn't about "the one true path". People with dissociative identity disorder (DID/MPD) have a long road ahead before considering integration ("becoming one") as a goal. It's not for everyone. However, everyone -- including monominds -- can use some help in living life with a unified sense of purpose and direction. You can't plan if you don't know where you are right now. My goals are to promote a healthy productive outcome, every day. No matter how many folks you have inside.<BR>Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comBlogger861100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1142526712802056282006-03-16T10:50:00.000-05:002006-03-16T11:31:52.836-05:00

I last spoke about resuming some semblance of a routine because I'd been offline more often than not due to illness. But I guess blaming it on flu gets pretty old after the fourth bout. When I was massively overwhelmingly dissociative -- like, fifteen years ago -- I could be sick and sleepless for as long as it took because there were several someones inside who didn't believe they had any

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1136207453161362242006-01-02T07:27:00.000-05:002006-01-02T08:10:54.713-05:00

Happy 2006! May it be more peaceful, more full of good health, and personally powerful.I know it's been a long time since my last post. Time is a relative concept to me, to anyone who is dissociative, but that only explains part of it. It all started with my flu shot ....The next day, I woke up with the flu. Oh, I know my doctor will swear you cannot get the flu from a flu shot. I felt absolutely

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1127784861675306282005-09-26T21:16:00.000-04:002005-09-26T21:45:34.730-04:00

I was watching a news piece about PBS's documentary on Bob Dylan called "With No Direction Home". ("... How does it feel? ...")I am a big fan of his poetry, but Bob Dylan's never been known for elocution. It's helpful to see the often quite complex lyrics in written form to comprehend what he is saying, and it's nearly always worth it to find those lyrics. But in watching the clips of a very

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1126360991689204092005-09-10T09:18:00.000-04:002005-09-10T10:03:11.696-04:00

CNN reports of a man, a former politician, who believed that the government response to Katrina was so inadequate that he quietly and personally arranged and paid to airlift two planeloads of 270 sick people from New Orleans on September 3rd and 4th. This man is former Vice President Al Gore. On September 1st, the third day after Katrina hit, Dr. David Kline, the neurosurgeon who saved Gore's

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1125867137850154042005-09-04T16:43:00.000-04:002005-09-04T16:52:17.856-04:00

If you saw Senator Landrieu's flyover of New Orleans with George Stephanopolis on ABC this morning, you saw and heard that she was articulate, mad as hell, and heartsick all at once. She also released the following statement via press release:"Yesterday, I was hoping President Bush would come away from his tour of the regional devastation triggered by Hurricane Katrina with a new understanding

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1125795855520927322005-09-03T20:48:00.000-04:002005-09-03T21:54:33.533-04:00

In response to George Bush's attempt to dismantle Social Security, there's an adage that what he really means by "the ownership society" is that "you're on your own". Nowhere is this more profoundly and sadly illustrated than in New Orleans' left behind poor, black, disabled, sick, and accidental tourists who spent five days in utter hell waiting for the Feds to notice they were dying. And even

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1125672287456195392005-09-02T10:39:00.000-04:002005-09-02T10:44:47.463-04:00

From the website at HurricaneHousing.Org:Hurricane Katrina has left hundreds of thousands of people homeless. But thousands of people throughout the region are stepping up to offer free shelter to those in need.32,388 beds volunteered so far! (Posted as of today's date, September 2, 2005.) Offer HousingOffer free housing to hurricane evacueesDelete a housing offering you've already made Find

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1125588747860232152005-09-01T10:18:00.000-04:002005-09-01T11:37:01.646-04:00

If there were ever a situation that could generate ongoing mass helplessness that accrues across the nation ... the death of New Orleans is it. Yet there are things anyone -- meaning you -- and each of us can do. The most readily available one being to donate to the Red Cross or Salvation Army. Their servers are extremely busy, so keep trying.No donation is too small. Create a donation fund at

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1124398695646089072005-08-18T16:31:00.000-04:002005-08-20T12:27:36.563-04:00

Can there be any more clear evidence of a profound and cynical lack of remorse in Mr. BTK than when he stands before the Court following heart-wrenching victims' statements and picks apart the Power Point presentations of the prosecution? And quibbles about whether there really were more than two pornographic pictures? And wishes someone could help his wife out (who isn't standing by her man, who

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1123594805723316872005-08-09T09:28:00.000-04:002005-08-09T09:40:05.730-04:00

We collectively began breathing again when the space shuttle was down safely. Amazing the technology that has a craft moving at 5000 miles an hour only 80 miles out from landing -- and it doesn't overshoot the runway. Who knows where the space program's going from here, with all the problems connected to this flight. I'm just relieved we're not going to be watching endless video loops of a

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1123351100186678352005-08-06T13:22:00.000-04:002005-08-06T16:49:10.283-04:00

KESQ, NewsChannel 3 in Palm Springs, CA has a story about Shasta Groene's abductor, Joseph Duncan, which diagnoses Duncan with multiple personalities based on nothing more than what he wrote in a weblog.This May, two months before investigators say he murdered four people in Idaho, Duncan wrote about his multiple personalities on his website. "The demons have taken over: as far as letting God

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1122892948844264532005-08-01T06:22:00.000-04:002005-08-01T06:42:30.216-04:00

We had a scare with yet another cat the last few days. Lucky, our longhair black little 13 year old, who I rescued from my car engine at five weeks old and promptly bit me, suddenly stopped eating. She was wild and feral when I found her, and reverts quickly when scared. It wasn't until about six months ago that she began jumping on me, wanting to snuggle. She's never been a fussy eater.We spent

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1122741843208058672005-07-30T12:11:00.000-04:002005-07-30T12:44:03.213-04:00

Unavoidable Rant on/For a couple of years I've paid my main email provider, Mail2World ("M2W"), to provide unlimited storage and ad-free emails. For the last month, they've had repeated problems in which I am kicked out of all of my paid upgrades, my Safe List ("this is not spam") self-deletes, and there are three (count'em! three!) different ads running simultaneously and evermore annoyingly.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1121718007964097982005-07-18T16:17:00.000-04:002005-07-18T16:20:07.970-04:00

But, man! The humidity here is doing me in. It rained just enough to bring steam up on the asphalt. What I would give for a decent thunderstorm to clear this soup away for a day.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1121263730551577062005-07-13T09:32:00.000-04:002005-07-13T10:09:42.276-04:00

Convicted sex offender Joseph Edward Duncan never thought he could be taken down by an eight year old Idaho girl whom he'd traumatized repeatedly over the course of six weeks. While he bragged to her about using night vision goggles to case her house and family for two days, and about details of how he killed them, Shasta was busy burning those details into her brain. She's provided

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1120591591358311072005-07-05T15:12:00.000-04:002005-07-06T08:59:24.433-04:00

I attempted to finish this post yesterday morning, but it hits way too close to home. Shasta Groene is the eight year old Idaho girl who went missing with her brother Dylan six weeks ago when police found her mother, another brother, and her mother's boyfriend bludgeoned to death in their home. A waitress recognized Shasta with her (alleged) captor, convicted child molester Joseph Edward Duncan,

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1120185687614429832005-06-30T22:28:00.000-04:002005-06-30T22:41:27.620-04:00

One of my more neurotic "things" is that I have trouble finishing projects. If you procrastinate endlessly, this would be sort of a major well, duh realization. It's hard to finish things you never start. But it goes even deeper for me than finding a cure for procrastination. When I figure it out, I'll surely write about it.But meanwhile, today, I am about as pleased as a kid with the most cool

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1120133193521696962005-06-30T07:57:00.000-04:002005-06-30T08:06:56.836-04:00

The July 15th issue of Bottom Line Personal sweetly itemizes the health benefits offered by flavonoids in chocolate:Improve circulation;Suppress coughs;Clean arteries; andReduce blood pressure.For me, and diabetics everywhere:Flavonoids relax blood vessel linings and improve circulation to the extremities -- important for those who have diabetes and other circulatory diseases.The article further

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1119526856994562562005-06-23T07:36:00.000-04:002005-06-23T07:50:33.050-04:00

I guess it had to happen sometime.According to a press release Philadelphia's At Hand Productions is getting ready to release its first operatic production, My Journal, to the public. "My Journal is a venture into the world of Janice, a woman with multiple personalities who was convicted of murder. The plot is based around psychology sessions. When Janice begins to speak of the various incidents

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1119295657407611082005-06-20T13:48:00.000-04:002005-06-20T15:35:21.623-04:00

So I'm minding my own business, trying to do half the things I want to do while keeping up with most of the things I'm committed to do inbetween squeezing in the things I must do. Things I Want To Do: Write; learn; empower; publish; enjoy life and the fruits of my labor.Things I'm Committed To Do: The endless activities designed to make me feel quasi-secure; and taking care of the last 20 items

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1118259491975161762005-06-08T10:54:00.000-04:002005-06-08T15:51:13.316-04:00

Child abuse survivors made it to the survival part by being resourceful and able to do whatever it takes to survive another day. I say this as an explanation of where my brain went for the last month. It's a long post, but important.I was a political science major at UCLA in the 70s, a period of great turmoil and change. In the 90s my attention diverted to dealing with why I felt crazy all the

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1115566873182045992005-05-08T11:31:00.000-04:002005-05-08T11:41:13.236-04:00

(With apologies to Jackson Browne...)So I was relentlessly attacked by tree pollen since early last week, and made to lie in bed with cold compresses on my eyes much of the time since. It was either that or go mad trying not to damage my itchy watery eyes. Not Benadryl, nor Claritin gave relief. In fact, the only reason I can even focus on a computer screen since yesterday is a blessed Nor'easter

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1114198960249117522005-04-22T15:31:00.000-04:002005-04-22T15:46:13.593-04:00

The month of April has been far too disruptive. It began with having to put our cat Scotty to sleep. (Thanks to so many people who wrote to me about this.) Then in the midst of our grief, we had four days to get a year's worth of clutter organized into something our accountant could transform into a tax return. Then, because we'd cancelled our Christmas trip to Virginia because of Scotty's care

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1113314840158672632005-04-12T09:58:00.000-04:002005-04-12T10:07:20.156-04:00

Spring arrives for me in all of its glory not only with first daffodils but also with tax deadlines and extreme allergies. So the taxes are done, and my allergies are on a rampage. I also saw the first bumblebee on Saturday.Now if only Benadryl could repel bees while it knocks me into a stupor so I don't do permanent damage to my itching eyes while I admire the flower show for the next couple of

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1112626135543171782005-04-04T08:52:00.000-04:002005-04-04T11:10:57.863-04:00

In the "seemingly progressive government-sponsored mental health care reports can be misleading" category:A report available on the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services (SAMHSA) website details National Expenditures for Mental Health Services and Substance Abuse Treatment 1991–2001.According to SAMHSA's March 29, 2005 news release, [interesting timing; why tout these numbers now?] the

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1112325163647337732005-03-31T21:36:00.000-05:002005-03-31T22:12:43.650-05:00

(Don't read this if you can't stand people getting all maudlin about their pets.)Late yesterday afternoon Dan and I had to give our cat Scotty the best help we could offer, as he suddenly stopped eating Tuesday, and started crawling under the bed. Yesterday morning we wondered if we were wrong because he came back out to us, and was eating and drinking a little. But he was so very weak. And as

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1112286536122373122005-03-31T11:26:00.000-05:002005-03-31T11:28:56.123-05:00

No matter the politics, the money, the ethics, the legalities ... may both Michael Schiavo and the Schindler family find some peace as well.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1111872916996113722005-03-26T16:16:00.000-05:002005-03-26T16:35:16.996-05:00

Stay safe; may trigger.If it's a sign of progress to not recognize/remember just how triggering this weekend can be for me (and many others), I'll take it. The trigger exists for many survivors of ritualized child abuse. I'm experiencing it anew in conjunction with my last post's discussion of really feeling the effects of what occurred in my childhood. (I'm not linking to it, and don't read it

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1111710015393415532005-03-24T16:28:00.000-05:002005-03-24T19:20:15.396-05:00

(Be safe: This may trigger.)A few months back, I had a therapeutic breakthrough that resulted in my really feeling, in ways never before felt, the ultimate crap and horror of my childhood. I've felt it in such profoundly relentlessly disturbing ways that for the first time in my life I made contracts with several people to not self-harm. My struggle since then has been to throw off the

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1111678215938885762005-03-24T10:16:00.000-05:002005-03-24T10:30:15.940-05:00

Our big orange loveably goofy Maine coon cat Scotty was given only a few weeks to live last Thanksgiving, but he had two different sets of problems. One was a tumor in his lung which would require an invasive procedure that might kill him just to find out if it is malignant. The other set involves congestive heart failure -- which, as many people know from personal experience, is treatable by

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1111284309372027382005-03-19T20:55:00.000-05:002005-03-19T21:05:09.373-05:00

If I really were in my right mind, so to speak, I'd be writing around the clock, and so productive I wouldn't have time to wonder why I procrastinate so fiercely when it's so wasteful and self-defeating. It's sort of like alternate reality thinking: if I were that productive I wouldn't wonder about procrastination because procrastination and its associated problems simply would not exist.I get

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1111033267526205222005-03-16T22:57:00.000-05:002005-03-16T23:24:57.840-05:00

According to the April 2005 issue of Kiplinger's Personal Finance, as part of a deal with state regulators, UnumProvident will reassess more than 300,000 claims denied since 1997.Among the practices cited after a yearlong investigation: the insurer's excessive reliance on in-house medical staff to support claims denials or reductions, often disputing a claimant's attending physician without

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1110817129001694422005-03-14T10:57:00.000-05:002005-03-14T11:31:38.576-05:00

Thanks to a lucky coincidence, a new show of 33 adult paintings by Mason — including several signed by her other personalities, such as one attributed to 3½-year-old ''Ruthie'' — is now on view at Vanderbilt University Medical Center.The Tennessean features a detailed article about Shirley Ardell Mason, otherwise known as Sybil. The focus is the new art exhibit, The Hidden Paintings: The Secret

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1110381687261383632005-03-09T09:53:00.000-05:002005-03-09T10:30:12.146-05:00

(For the uninitiated: MC-RA = Mind Control and Ritual AbuseM.T. = May Trigger)I serendipitously found a survivor's website containing literally hundreds of reference works relating to just about every aspect of mind control and ritual abuse. (Scroll down to find it.) I wasn't looking for it but needed to find it -- which always surprises me, but happens far too frequently to just dismiss it as

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1110245817233219872005-03-07T20:28:00.000-05:002005-03-07T20:36:57.236-05:00

My doctor started me on Elavil, which I think most people know as an anti-depressant. But it has other properties, one of which is dealing with nerve pain caused by diabetic neuropathy, which is slowly creeping into my life. I'm on a very low dose, taken before bed, and it still makes me an utter zombie most of the following day. Not to mention sleeping like never before in my life. Did I mention

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1109738943028981522005-03-01T23:33:00.000-05:002005-03-07T20:27:36.716-05:00

How very prescient was my epiphany in January when I understood I needed a real backup (on someone else's server, not just files on my computer) of my Swan Pond Press website -- in case iVillage pulled the plug someday. This was after I'd been unable to edit the site for several weeks. So I made a backup with hubby's help, and since then, I've been slowly learning a new HTML editor, pacing myself

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1109681373848179162005-03-01T07:17:00.000-05:002005-03-01T07:49:33.850-05:00

And my 'L.A. girl' sensibilities are still very much alive in that snow was a rare magical delight for most of my life. It's very tranquil and almost hypnotic watching it from this side of the window, especially before the cars and sanders make a mess of it. But even I am wondering when the heck spring is arriving in Boston. It's not like I shovel it; hubby does that because I get asthma pretty

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1109609694601216092005-02-28T11:44:00.000-05:002005-02-28T11:54:54.603-05:00

It seems as though I've had a headache for most of three weeks -- and I'd like it to stop now, thankyouverymuch. There isn't a magic pill, or I'd take it. This always means deep deeeeep trouble brewing in some lost inside corridor. And frankly, I'm tired of stumbling through this maze. I'm tired of realizing what I thought was the end of it just made a turn that didn't exist before. I'm tired of

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1109342527560970622005-02-25T09:40:00.000-05:002005-02-25T09:44:17.440-05:00

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body ... then only the LEFT-HANDED are in their right minds!Being left-handed, this explains a lot.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1108839040829656382005-02-19T13:28:00.000-05:002005-02-19T13:50:40.830-05:00

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week is February 27 - March 5, 2005.Choose your U.S. state to view a list of registered NEDAW 2005 Coordinators and events that are happening in your area. Feel free to attend events or contact Coordinators if you are interested in volunteering.NEDA is dedicated to expanding public understanding of eating disorders and promoting access to quality treatment for

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1108827162357936992005-02-19T10:10:00.000-05:002005-02-19T10:32:42.360-05:00

To me, time is like a giant rubber band stretching into oblivion only to rudely snap me back to some other place where I realize -- sooner or later -- that it's not the day I thought it was. Or time is somehow managed in several parallel universes, some of which are so parallel that I cannot distinguish them; at other times, I am totally lost. The person who dissociates knows exactly what I'm

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1108098796403086582005-02-11T00:00:00.000-05:002005-02-11T00:20:31.520-05:00

Please visit The Breast Cancer Site and click on the pink "Fund Free Mammograms" button to help fund free mammograms for homeless, low-income, and inner-city women. Clicking takes you to a page of site sponsors, but your click counts whether or not you followup with any of them. Funding is paid by site sponsors and goes to the nonprofit National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF), which uses it to

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1107839281246954892005-02-07T23:44:00.000-05:002005-02-08T00:08:01.246-05:00

I haven't yet met a survivor of child abuse who wasn't both terrified of anger and filled to overflowing the brim with it. I keep working on anger, seemingly forever. I get especially angry when I feel helpless or used or manipulated. Of course it's a throwback to childhood, but that doesn't make me like it any better. It feels out of control. It feels excessive. It feels irrational. It feels

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1107760993389724262005-02-07T01:58:00.000-05:002005-02-07T02:40:16.780-05:00

I've always been a night owl, borne out of PTSD nightmares and the certainty that sleeping at night was a bad idea. But most of my adult life that was problematic since I worked during the day. When I first began uncovering all of this childhood crap it was flooding into me like every ten seconds, and sleeping was very scary, day or night. So I worked through and conquered a lot of tough issues,

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1107492864889076142005-02-03T23:44:00.000-05:002005-02-03T23:56:02.886-05:00

There's the quiet of the night and the neighborhood, and then there's the quiet that sort of ambushes you inside. It's startling to suddenly hear silence when the world has always been defined by noise. But even at my most integrated, the noise never completely left, like remnants of sound reverberating in perpetuity. And now I just get flashes of quiet, sort of muted strobe flashes of silence,

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1107205261879797022005-01-31T15:52:00.000-05:002005-01-31T16:01:01.880-05:00

There is much of January I either don't remember or don't want to remember. I've had a list of things nagging at me for three weeks now. It was a good week when I got one of them done. Ohhhh how righteous it feels to cross that sucker off the list forever! It's all been struggle and retreat, struggle and retreat. Then for no apparent reason, today I've managed to knock five things off the list in

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1107133813326610822005-01-30T20:07:00.000-05:002005-01-30T22:09:23.570-05:00

I'm trying to get syndicated, mostly as a nudge to post more often. I've added the "add to My Yahoo" button (in the Side Bar) but so far it doesn't show up as added to my own My Yahoo page. Don't they realize there are zillions of technophobes out here that know absolutely nothing about this stuff? They do warn that Yahoo might take up to a couple of days to add a blog to its directory or to add

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1106496532447376432005-01-23T11:02:00.000-05:002005-01-23T11:10:55.426-05:00

Having only lived in the Boston area for 10 years, and previously lived most of my life in L.A., I've seen what I thought were pretty big storms here. Notably, the April Fools Blizzard a few years back. But man! Baby, it's cold outside (like, 10 degrees F.), the wind is blowing in 50-60 mile an hour gusts, the snow's been coming down 2-3 inches an hour all night and this morning, and I can't

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1105943406996232302005-01-17T01:55:00.000-05:002005-01-17T01:39:05.900-05:00

It's all getting to be a bit much, but I guess that's what happens when you're a one person media conglomerate. (Inside MPD joke there, hehe). I just wish the techie inclined in me would step forward and do their thing while I sleep or something. Because I have all kinds of pending projects which are floating in limbo while I learn new software programs, update website pages, publish the next

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1104904774850073432005-01-05T01:50:00.000-05:002005-01-05T00:59:34.850-05:00

It's been a week since I last wrote about my problems with updating my website on iVillage. I still cannot get in to edit it, but I'm still not ready to up and move it yet. On the 31st I got a form letter saying they're slow on replies due to the holidays. (Duh! Why don't they just say they're closed for the holidays?) Today I got a letter from someone -- finally! -- who claims that my website is

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1104905576694031002005-01-05T01:01:00.000-05:002005-01-05T01:12:56.696-05:00

I haven't posted about the disaster in South Asia because, frankly, it's depressing the hell out of me. We can and will donate to the Red Cross, and still then be plunged into utter helplessness as it unfolds. Now stories are surfacing, on top of every other form of misery there, that thousands of orphaned children are at risk of being kidnapped and sold, or illegally adopted. Then there are the

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1104206408206401292004-12-27T22:37:00.000-05:002004-12-27T23:00:08.206-05:00

The writing is on the virtual wall, has been ever since iVillage closed its email service two years ago. I've had my main site (redirected to iVillage from www.swanpondpress.com) on iVillage for 2+ years now. Suddenly, for more than 24 hours, their build software will not let me update. And since I haven't tried to update for ohhhhhh maybe a month -- I've been very busy! -- I have no idea how

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1104158234510764162004-12-27T09:28:00.000-05:002004-12-27T09:37:14.510-05:00

I still have a looming emotional upheaval with respect to our cat Scotty's future, but I sure feel a lighter load overall now that Christmas is done for another year. It's just far too much stress. I do not do stress gracefully. Much of my quest for the last year was to solve problems which created gratuitous fatiguing stress, so to volunteer for lots more every December is rather self-defeating.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1102909918315101472004-12-12T22:42:00.000-05:002004-12-12T22:51:58.316-05:00

The Christmas frenzy. The post office schlep and shuffle. The people who would just as soon run you down in the parking lot than pause for pedestrians. The endless TV ads. I've seen two different ads with Carolers singing about cars and clothing. It's actually subliminal 'cause every time you hear those carols again, no matter if with the correct words, you will think: OLD NAVY. OLD NAVY. OLD

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1101748316478067292004-11-29T11:58:00.000-05:002004-12-14T21:35:23.313-05:00

I'm in the thick of holiday catalog shopping. One source prints just about anything on a T-shirt, and these are the ones that made me laugh. I have multiple personalities and none of them like you. I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people. I'm trying to arrange my life so that I don't have to be present. Even if the voices are not real, they have some pretty good

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1101405618184125642004-11-25T13:48:00.000-05:002004-11-25T13:04:43.240-05:00

Those who subscribe to my newsletter Synergy Times (you can signup at Swan Pond Press), know that I'm dealing with the recent, sudden illness of our cat Scotty. I must say I am thankful today for the fact that he seems no different now than he ever was before. The outlook is not good, but he's rehydrated, and we started him on meds yesterday to take some pressure off his heart. He's taking it all

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1101093014946597932004-11-21T22:01:00.000-05:002004-11-21T22:18:58.843-05:00

The Chicago Tribune tripped my news alert (11/21/04) with the following headline and quote: Furniture-makers try hard to connect with Gen Xers Some designers have burdened their pieces with multiple personalities, making for bizarre hybrids. And you thought I was kidding when I said this crap crosses my in-box all the time. As I pointed out in the last post, nobody burdens their furniture

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1100973276671653822004-11-20T13:31:00.000-05:002004-11-21T22:22:58.910-05:00

I receive news alerts from Google on several terms, one being "multiple personalities". Half of the items link me to some cute-phrase challenged "writer" using the term to describe a person, place, or thing that might be "varied" or "confusing" or "constantly changing" -- but never truly has "multiple personalities". Case in point: Greenbay Packers News, Denis Dougherty column: "The byes are

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1100552975558336332004-11-15T15:31:00.000-05:002004-11-15T16:23:27.133-05:00

It's enough to make you dissociate even if you never had the problem before. While the Prez struts and gloats and bombs the hell out of Fallujah, the media never focuses on the thousands of good Iraqi citizens who are being exterminated merely by virtue of the fact that they could not get out of town. It was acknowledged almost from the first day of assault that Zarqawi -- our supposed mission

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1099582538599794252004-11-04T09:22:00.000-05:002004-11-04T10:46:14.816-05:00

As a survivor of severe child sexual abuse that lasted physically for three years but which emotionally still haunts me decades later, I know what it is like to live constantly in fear. I know what it's like to never know what's coming next -- but to know without a doubt that it will come. I know first-hand how it erodes the soul. Just when I was getting a handle on that childhood fear (again),

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1099163455958661102004-10-30T15:02:00.000-04:002004-10-30T15:15:28.096-04:00

An afterthought: If the World Series had gone to 7 games, we would have ended up with thousands of people pouring out into the Boston streets on Halloween, emboldened by the legitimate use of masks and disguises. We'd already had problems with some of the crowd getting out of hand -- and a fan's death -- after an earlier game. Besides, probably every Red Sox fan would have loved to have the Sox

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1099080444301255352004-10-29T15:54:00.000-04:002004-10-29T16:07:24.300-04:00

It doesn't matter if you live in a hotly contested area where vote tampering and fraud are being uncovered even now. It doesn't matter how many attorneys try to slow it all down in the hopes that some people will tire and walk away without voting. All that matters is that you vote despite any obstacles. Don't allow anyone to intimidate you. Any irregularities -- if there are any -- will be

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1099079342448736852004-10-29T15:36:00.000-04:002004-10-29T15:53:08.096-04:00

Okay, okay, I know I'm a tad bit late here, but such is life. The Red Sox finally showed the baseball world what they are made of. And it felt pretty good! I'm reticent to say it, but after the nail-biting rollercoaster of the Yankees series (before the World Series if you don't follow baseball), the World Series was almost a let-down. Almost. Get ready for the "rolling rally" in Boston

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1098800814412140522004-10-26T10:20:00.000-04:002004-10-26T10:26:54.426-04:00

I'm getting way overscheduled, and it's (mostly) of my own doing. It's the whole Christmas thing, and kicking off a new marketing initiative, and politics, and Red Sox, and flu, and and and ... The plain to see result is that I'm getting lots of nothing done because I need to get everything done, pretty much simultaneously. Now I'm multi-tasking during Red Sox games.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1097879160489761652004-10-15T18:08:00.000-04:002004-10-15T18:32:30.813-04:00

I've heard assumptions about child abuse in today's world compared to the overwhelming secrecy and instilled shame in my own 1950s childhood. This was before "America's Most Wanted" and kids' faces on milk cartons. Before Amber Alerts. Before surveillance tape could pick up public abductions and reveal the perps on national TV. So because we live in a more open and progressive society, and

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1097812294444410212004-10-14T23:34:00.000-04:002004-10-14T23:53:03.860-04:00

Sheesh, I was knocked over today by what I was beginning to think was food poisoning, but it was mostly done in a few hours so ... maybe not. I've gone back to food via yogurt, and I'm happy I can eat anything. Tomorrow must be better.

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1097678275789414222004-10-13T10:25:00.000-04:002004-10-13T10:37:55.790-04:00

Wishing on stars wasn't very helpful as a kid. I didn't buy it then, and I know a whole lot more now. It still doesn't stop me, however, from wishing things were different. So much of my life -- and the life of just about any child abuse survivor you meet and really give time to allow trust to build -- has been about struggle. The kid struggle is so obvious now, even though no one but a part of

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1097210981078284412004-10-08T01:37:00.000-04:002004-10-08T00:50:47.263-04:00

I still have times when I'm not really sure where the day went. It's been like that for a couple of weeks now. I don't know if I'm truly losing time in a dissociative way or just in some normal shut-down in a particularly busy timeframe. It sounds like a nonsequitor but -- Christmas is looming. Always stressful, always a lot of trying to detach from that stress. It's probably what's going on

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1095452356563137932004-09-17T15:54:00.000-04:002004-09-17T16:19:16.563-04:00

In yesterday's post about child abuse and political BS I ended with a plea that we hold our elected officials accountable. That's what comes with democracy. You get the privileges, you also have the responsibilities. By a very serendipitous route, I came across Hold Them Accountable 2004. They are sponsoring a petition to the moderators of the coming presidential debates (Jim Lehrer, Gwen Ifill,

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1095280586926531532004-09-15T15:09:00.000-04:002004-09-15T16:36:26.926-04:00

Who among us is not for protecting children? (Show of hands, please.) The political BS in which we are so deeply mired at present will pass, but its effects -- like those of hurricanes -- will be longlasting and widespread. Even if you limit your political focus entirely to advancing the cause of child abuse prevention, that cause expands outward exponentially. And it's not all about mom and dad

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1095271702286637052004-09-15T13:30:00.000-04:002004-09-15T14:08:22.286-04:00

It feels like the world conspires to distract me from things I know I truly want to do. There are just so many minutes in the day, and lately a lot of them have been spent either being sick or recovering from being sick, or being entranced by radar images of impending hurricanes, or indulging in a lot of political BS surveillance. (The political BS deserves, and shall get, a post of its own.) All

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1094670689136987442004-09-08T15:05:00.000-04:002004-09-08T15:11:29.136-04:00

So I acknowledge that I am an impatient person and then the universe steps up to show me in oh so many ways just how true that really is. My most recent bout was with Blogger all morning when it refused to republish this blog or update my settings. That really put me off my day, because damnit I lost a post which was important to me. Never again. Belts and suspenders, copy everything before

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1093180749105517142004-08-22T08:40:00.000-04:002004-08-22T09:19:09.106-04:00

Wouldn't life be ever so much better if we all could just rise above those petty little desires that block us from what we say we really want? Or, at least, we didn't try to fix or (sublimate; reconstruct; or hide -- take your pick) them in unhealthy ways? I can admit to being a very impatient person, most often with myself. Sometimes that impatience clashes with my goals in ways which tend to

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1092493688596570892004-08-14T10:19:00.000-04:002004-08-14T10:30:28.816-04:00

A year ago in September, my inlaws were devastated by the damage done to their home -- and all the neighborhoods around it -- in Virginia by Hurricane Isabel. Their home is still being worked on 11 months later. But they still have a home. Several houses on their block did not make it at all. Now the destruction across much of Florida starts the cycle anew for thousands of people. I grew up with

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1091987533720247922004-08-08T13:41:00.000-04:002004-08-08T13:52:13.720-04:00

Excuse my self-indulgent RANT: I really dislike it when I am following the crowd and we're all a bunch of sheep in it together. Sometimes I suppose it is necessary. I'm promised an Ipod Mini for a combined birthday/anniversary splurge, and every time I'm in the mood to follow through on it, they are sold out everywhere. (Except maybe Apple, but I'm annoyed with Apple's website because hours of

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1091630588038957122004-08-04T10:13:00.000-04:002004-08-04T10:43:08.036-04:00

*Be Safe; This May Trigger* I was describing some bad choices I made in my 20s, and why these events didn't trigger me as they would now because in my 20s no one knew my Big Secret. No one knew I had lotsa people inside of me, pinch hitting when things got rough. No one knew what I always feared was true: that I was crazy. If I'd triggered then, it would let a lot of the wrong people know for

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1091215197048486762004-07-30T14:59:00.000-04:002004-07-30T15:19:57.046-04:00

At 2pm EDT, Massachusetts State Police issued a state-wide Amber alert for a 15 year old girl apparently kidnapped in Everett. The media publicized her name, the make, model and license plate of the car involved, and a description of her kidnapper. Within 15 minutes of the first alert broadcast, media was reporting that the car and the girl had been found in Stoughton. (I am guessing that's at

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1090763795715619912004-07-25T09:44:00.000-04:002004-07-25T09:59:51.610-04:00

In a long but very interesting excerpt from "Flip the Switch", author Jim Karas explains why weight loss begins in your head. The idea is to learn how to flip the switch mentally that empowers you to lose weight by believing that you really can do it. This is part of a series by Good Morning America (ABCnews.com). You are encouraged to print out the excerpt to complete exercise statements and

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1090382492550054252004-07-20T23:38:00.000-04:002004-07-21T00:01:32.550-04:00

If you read my earlier post called "Can't Shake It" ("It" being procrastination), you'll know this is a lifelong issue of mine, and I really hate it. I spent Sunday and Monday in a kind of anguished trance, truly unable to finish my newsletter. It was almost done already, but geez, when I freeze up there's no real logic to it. In the past when this happened, I was usually just resigned to the

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1090080673807872312004-07-17T11:50:00.000-04:002004-07-17T12:18:07.356-04:00

No matter what you call it, if you're writing as therapy, or as an adjunct to therapy, the point is to do it so routinely that you don't suddenly cringe that a week's gone by without a new entry. (Ahem.) And there's really no excuse because there are a zillion free places on the Internet where you can publicly or privately commemorate your thoughts. I recently visited a relatively new website

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1089385382641894392004-07-09T10:27:00.000-04:002004-07-09T11:08:39.796-04:00

I'm happy that I'm now busy doing productive things. I'm happy I am able to do them. Not too far in the shadowy past, it was like rolling over a ten ton rock to get to the point of accomplishing anything meaningful. (In that period of my life, I was grateful I could even see the rock.) But just because you've reached -- or reacquired -- a level of stability doesn't mean there won't be days when

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1089212434079477872004-07-07T10:42:00.000-04:002004-07-07T11:03:39.886-04:00

Probably my biggest problem is procrastination -- and I do it with a passion. It's a constant lurking companion, ever-ready to throw up a roadblock to my progress. I've analyzed this ad nauseum over the years, and I understand why I do it, so you'd think I could shake it off so much more easily by now. I do it to avoid dealing with my perfectionist tendencies, my "not good enough" jive, my "

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1088779498767555032004-07-02T10:34:00.000-04:002004-07-02T11:02:30.116-04:00

I work out of my home, which means I get to work every day of the year unless I really, really try to get away from the computer. That only happens for major family oriented holidays. The Fourth of July isn't one of those! Taking the "glass half full" approach, it means I have the freedom to work on Sunday if I choose to do so. The good news, the happy news, is that compared to any of the last

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1088602702067020612004-06-30T09:11:00.000-04:002004-06-30T09:41:27.833-04:00

The '80s poster boy for heinous child abuse and child murder will be released from prison today after five earlier rejections by his parole board. Steinberg was convicted of the 1987 beating death of his six-year-old illegally adopted daughter, Lisa. The case drew nationwide attention, for which I can only say "It's about time". The national outrage focused on child abuse and reporting

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1088597610474527612004-06-30T08:02:00.000-04:002004-06-30T08:30:21.706-04:00

Have you ever wanted to meet someone in real life who has DID/MPD? There are reasons to do it, but there are also reasons to proceed very cautiously. It can be validating to meet someone who really knows what you're talking about without having to explain how weird or painful it all is. It can also be validating to realize that most people diagnosed with DID/MPD look extremely "normal", and

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5152835.post-1088564564603910442004-06-29T23:01:00.000-04:002004-06-29T23:02:44.603-04:00

At Swan Pond Press we believe every survivor of child abuse faces daily challenges and obstacles to his or her achieving goals and a sense of purpose. On an even higher order of magnitude is the level of chaos and disruption experienced by survivors diagnosed with a dissociative disorder. Becoming One Everyday begins with the premise that all or nothing integration -- a tremendous issue for

Sarahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09604893336212965623noreply@blogger.com